A Haiku, with a sides of quotes...

Warning: Explicitly rude. Read at your own risk.

This week, I learned my favorite contestant from the intellectually stimulating show 'The Bachelor' is going to be the new 'Bachelorette.' Bittersweet, seeing as she was dumped after putting-out in a hot tub. Damn you, Mr. Indecisive.

However, in celebration of Jillian, I decided to write a Haiku to express my elation:

Canada eh eh
up north they speak the 'kanuck'
Canada is cold


And because that wasn't very good, I decided to attach this note to another subject I'd like to call: Quotes of the Week (followed with some comments.) These were memorably made by myself or by someone in my vicinity. Here we go:

"Is that Walmart on fire?"
(Note, don't go to the one off of 1-25 and 104th, might be a bit smoky. Discounts may be based on char-level.)

"I started wearing these jeans when I gained a bunch of weight. They are for girls with 'big bums.'"
(Great selling technique Gap salesgirl.)

"Are you trying to tell me how to do my job?"
(no eye contact, no eye contact, no eye contact)

"Brent, I don't think Wii Fit Aerobics is for men"
(don't laugh, don't laugh, stop tearing up, his hand motions DO NOT look gay, do not look gay...)

"My hair color is the color of urine, that's what gives it it's sex appeal."
(better than poo color, right?)

"Sure, I would switch to Mormonism and marry your brother..."
(actually I would.)

"It's only a superficial flesh wound."
(and partial decapitation by a printing press. No biggie.)

"Whatever you do, DON'T mention the box-wrestling."
(but please mention the vast entertainment skills, I need a movie deal.)

"I can't ignore the camel-toe. It really detracts from the subject matter."
(no comment)

"Never again will I take Benadryl the day before I work"
(ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz.)

"We are going to the foreign land of Texas to hear a blues band. You'll like it)
(Has that alcohol kicked in yet? Hope so.)

"Its sad that the movie title Octopussy has already been taken, that Octuplets mom could've made some money."
(and scored a husband too.)

"Is that dandruff, or does that weather guy have snow on him?"
(we are in a drought, better get him some head n' shoulders.)

"You know, we need our coffee carafe too."
(Your flavored crap makes everyone sick, and now you steal our means? Dumbass.)

That's about it. Any additions are welcome:)

BEST ENDORSEMENT

Tonight I was driving on the highway and I saw a mattress store advertising that their mattress was the 'official' mattress of the Denver Nuggets. Soooo, sheesh, sign me up? Is that why they aren't great? I mean, come'on, is a mattress the best endorsement? I bet they have been selling out of those since that came along. Don't get me wrong, give the athletes credit for.... being cool. Glad they make money for our great mile high city.....

Please add a drool catcher!

Why doesn't this product have a drool shield? So logical to have one, seeing as it serves as a pillow case AND has a cute boy on it? Anyone else see a problem with this? A warning on the package might be nice. Aspiration by drool? What a way for someone to go.

One of my favorite pictures. Ever

see more pwn and owned pictures

Me and Mr. Efron

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new loves

Adding bacon to ANY webpage regardless of bacon-loving status? (see link above) A blog dedicated to all things failure? My life is complete. My absolute favorite is an online baby generator. All breathing will cease when you witness the baby Brent and I will make if we decide that procreation is our path. (heaven forbid.)
You combine this picture:





to this one:





and you get:

Super High Me!

This week's High's and Low's

High: realizing that I have mad Wii skills while drinking wine
Low: Being told by the Today show that wine will give me cancer but save my heart. Prioritizing is tough!

High: Again, drinking wine, this time with Brent
Low: Taking drunken-technology to a new level when you call your cousin a Drunken Whore on Facebook during drink 3.

High: I have been happier in the last year than I've been in my whole life without going to a church. Spiritual phenom?
Low: I have purchased about 8 garden stars that I have decorated my house with. Have I secretly been worshiping these instead? I can't remember the verse on false idols.

for the record, the pic is me smoking HOOKA, a LEGAL THING TO DO!

First Post. Yeah blogging. Lets talk face contortion

Oh, the many faces of dating. Because of some men I am a self-proclaimed face contortionist. The guy I date currently is a hyperactive shaky bundle of neuron overload. Over the coarse of the time I've known him, he has inspired such poses that rival certain eclectic art only found in contemporary museums. Certain faces are typically only found on accident victims or those in special homes.

At first the faces were because the poor guy spilled coffee and wine more in my house than someone with Parkinson's on a drug holiday. (Here is a reenactment of a typical post-spill face) Because of this, the faces were in the form of fake smiles, gritted teeth and shock open-mouths made in conjunction with fighting back tears and scrubbing leather and carpet cleaner with no relief. I finally adjusted and actually started laughing when he spilled, especially when more of it got on his clothes than on my furniture.

(To the right is a picture of when we staged a mock reindeer slaughter in my Christmas card.)
Hopefully the faces will settle into lesser dramatics. However, I think as long as he is around my face contortions will be the envy of every big-mouthed girl in America!