Warning: Explicitly rude. Read at your own risk.
This week, I learned my favorite contestant from the intellectually stimulating show 'The Bachelor' is going to be the new 'Bachelorette.' Bittersweet, seeing as she was dumped after putting-out in a hot tub. Damn you, Mr. Indecisive.
However, in celebration of Jillian, I decided to write a Haiku to express my elation:
Canada eh eh
up north they speak the 'kanuck'
Canada is cold
And because that wasn't very good, I decided to attach this note to another subject I'd like to call: Quotes of the Week (followed with some comments.) These were memorably made by myself or by someone in my vicinity. Here we go:
"Is that Walmart on fire?"
(Note, don't go to the one off of 1-25 and 104th, might be a bit smoky. Discounts may be based on char-level.)
"I started wearing these jeans when I gained a bunch of weight. They are for girls with 'big bums.'"
(Great selling technique Gap salesgirl.)
"Are you trying to tell me how to do my job?"
(no eye contact, no eye contact, no eye contact)
"Brent, I don't think Wii Fit Aerobics is for men"
(don't laugh, don't laugh, stop tearing up, his hand motions DO NOT look gay, do not look gay...)
"My hair color is the color of urine, that's what gives it it's sex appeal."
(better than poo color, right?)
"Sure, I would switch to Mormonism and marry your brother..."
(actually I would.)
"It's only a superficial flesh wound."
(and partial decapitation by a printing press. No biggie.)
"Whatever you do, DON'T mention the box-wrestling."
(but please mention the vast entertainment skills, I need a movie deal.)
"I can't ignore the camel-toe. It really detracts from the subject matter."
(no comment)
"Never again will I take Benadryl the day before I work"
(ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz.)
"We are going to the foreign land of Texas to hear a blues band. You'll like it)
(Has that alcohol kicked in yet? Hope so.)
"Its sad that the movie title Octopussy has already been taken, that Octuplets mom could've made some money."
(and scored a husband too.)
"Is that dandruff, or does that weather guy have snow on him?"
(we are in a drought, better get him some head n' shoulders.)
"You know, we need our coffee carafe too."
(Your flavored crap makes everyone sick, and now you steal our means? Dumbass.)
That's about it. Any additions are welcome:)
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Well lookie here. Who's awesome idea was this? I know, I know I can't be the only person to have told you you should create a blog, but it boosts my confidence to believe I had a hand in the creation, and I am your first follower. So, when you start making millions off the ads you put on your site and become a super famous comedian, I'll start collecting royalties. You can be my own personal cash cow!!! Anyway, I've linked to you in my blog, hope it sends some hits your way! By the way who said the Mormonism quote? Is Brent Mormon?
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